“Like a Villain”
Today I am going to take the day off. I had a super rough day yesterday and I’m feeling unwell and need to lay down to rest and recover. Yesterday, was the first day I would say I really spoke the truth in my blog rather than manufactured attempts to be interesting, informative, and entertaining, while severely watching words and trying to ignore all the memories that happened over and over while trying to work. I have spent hours and hours writing blogs and then just deleting them. My PTSD is going to be a part of my stuff because it’s a part of me. I don’t like it and I am going to keep working on it, but I am going to honor it and my experiences and me. I am going to mess up but it’s okay because if I don’t try at all I am going nowhere. I am tired of wrapping myself in chains. I am slowly unlocking all the locks and allowing flow and motion. Some people won’t like it, but I am not going to wait until the people who designed my cage die before I fly away. I am breaking the cage, and I will fly away from them, but they can see me. You all will be able to see, my wounds, my injuries, my mistakes and how often I must land to rest but I will caw and sing and fly and eat and peacock and stand my ground to defend my nest as necessary.
“I don’t wanna know all your secrets ‘cause I’ll tell
It’s hard enough being alone with myself
I don’t know how long I’ll be holding on
I know you tried your hardest, I know that you meant well
But you pushed me to the edge, and I slipped and then I fell
I Don’t know how long I ‘ll be holding on.”
-Bad Omens
“Like a Villain”
