My Story

I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused growing up in Bozeman, MT. As a teen and young adult, I was given opportunities to travel other places in the world as a missionary. I took the opportunities to help other people and escape home for a while. Zambia, Zimbabwe, Botswana, India, and Thailand were the beautiful places I was able to go to.

I learned so much from all the beautiful people, different cultures, and religions I encountered, and my world view started to majorly change.

Returning home from travels, I was still suffering abuse and eventually ended up in an abusive marriage. I reached a breaking point and instead of giving up on life I sought out a therapist. I was starting to get help. My abusive husband did not like that because it was taking me out of his control, so he had us move to Missoula, MT. Despite his attempts to isolate me and keep me under his control and abuse I broke free by getting the divorce I desperately needed. I was in a different city away from my family and divorced, finally on my own.

At my job, a handsome young man was kind to me. He treated me with respect and offered comfort when I came to work distraught because of the divorce and where I was at in life. We ended up being pretty smitten with each other. We have been happily together for nearly 8 years now and when problems come up, we work them out together. He’s pretty awesome. About a year into our relationship though, I had still been having severe troubles with my health and keeping jobs, despite the love between us.

My wonderful and loving partner encouraged me to seek out help. I ended up going to the doctor and therapy. My therapist is awesome, and I have been seeing her ever since. While I ended up having some manageable physical health issues, I ended up finding out that I have pretty bad PTSD that affects me both mentally and physically. We all have problems to deal with and that is one of my biggest ones.

Since then, I have been getting help and working really hard to manage my PTSD. Unfortunately, maintaining a job and thus a stable source of income has still been extremely challenging. Although my partner is so supportive, it is nearly impossible for the two of us to live off just his income, so I needed to figure something out. My support group pointed out that I was talented at making jewelry and art and that I should sell.

I realized that throughout my whole life, through all the pain, I always had one place to go, my imagination.

I always had one thing to hold onto, my creativity. I have been drawing and making jewelry for as long as I can remember.

Arts and crafts bring me into this live-able state of freedom and healing. Through my loved one’s encouragement, I started believing my art could become a career, but it was just a dream. I would talk about my dreams on the phone with my grandfather. He was big on telling people to follow their dreams. He was one of the few who encouraged my dreams, instead of crushing them. He said “don’t give up on a dream or your dreams. Be happy.” I didn’t know then that in just about a week later, that would be the last time I heard him say that or anything.

Our family lost Grandpa to suicide. It was devastating for the whole family. Losing a loved one is always hard, but we can keep going. Suicide was something I have always struggled with myself so when Grandpa left that way, it made me think and feel in all new deep ways. Ultimately it has caused my train of thought to consistently take suicide off the table as an option for me. I decided to take Grandpas advice and go all in on my dreams of being an artist. I don’t resent or judge him for what he did but I learned from him. I want to challenge myself to own up to my mistakes and continually try to do better.

And Grandpa, I won’t give up on my dreams. I am not my abuse or my abusers. I can be who I want to be, as long as I just keep trying. I want to be a kind and loving person with intense emotions, sensitivity, and empathy. I want to connect and openly share and help us all rise above generational trauma and be able to freely be ourselves, express all of our emotions in healthy ways, and learn, grow, and thrive. I believe we can change and be better and I will dream and not give up no matter who says my dreams are crazy or impossible. I hope my art can help express both the darkness and the beauty in the world and raise feelings encourage equality, peace, and love.

I have a lot of work to do. I don’t talk to them, but I have immense compassion for my abusers, as I believe they were abused as well. I will keep working on changing me for the better and I hope one day, I can help them see the light too. I am doing my best and I believe in you too! We can do it!

Creating art is the best part of my job, but this past year I have had very little time to craft. Rather, I have been pouring my time and heart into starting this business. I am grateful to be where I am today and thankful for all the help I have received from my support group and some amazing people in the community in Missoula. I have two main contacts through Vocational Rehabilitation and Opportunity Resources. They have been helping me tackle the daunting task of running my own business. I love both of my contacts so much! They are awesome people, and I don't think I would be where I am without them. I've learned so much and am continuing to learn and be supported by them until my business starts bringing in regular income. They also hooked me up with a contact from WELL community in Missoula. WELL stands for Women's Entrepreneurship and Leadership Lab. Both my contact from WELL and the WELL community chat have helped me a ton. I know WELL also has different workshops and learning opportunities that I hope to check out in the near future.

I’m so thankful for my boyfriend and his mom and brother, friends, aunt and uncle, therapist, physical therapist, doctor and her nurse, Vocational Rehabilitation and Opportunity Resources counselors, WELL community and contact, and Lifelong Learning Center! I'm not naming anyone because I keep forgetting to ask if that okay, but you know who you are! :)

Thank you for this opportunity and your support. Here I go!!!!!! :D